annie-banks:

never-ending list of dudes i want to please secularly ♦ aziz ansari

My perfect date night: I pick you up. In my Kia Sorrento. You get in. There’s candles in the car. You go, ‘…Is that dangerous?’ and I go, ‘Yes—but I like danger.’ We go to your favorite restaurant, and we have a fantastic meal. We come outside and we see my car’s on fire. You go, ‘Aziz, your car’s on fire. Aren’t you upset?’ I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, ‘No. I knew this was gonna happen.’ And then I kiss you. In front of my burning car.